I guess I'm a bad person for looking at his email and chat histories when he was at school, or teaching test-study classes. I'm just about convinced he's cheating on me with this girl named Summer Brewster. I googled her and didn't come up with anything. They have giggly, flirty email discussions. They met at Subway before. They talked about their blogs, and angst. I guess another thing that makes me want to speak up is that he's essentially a teacher now, but he's behaving like a sophmore, at best. I talks about the lectures he gives. He mentioned how he suggested to "Drink some beer, read some books". That's great if you want to make frends, and teachers should be friendly. There were a bunch of other examples that I could mention, I guess another one that comes to mind first is how he talked about how he's a net addict and blogs, then followed that up with "But don't ask about it". (his inbox had about 4 or 5 students asking about it) Another thing I get from listening to him talk about his classes, is that, if I were in one of them, I'd be thinking "This guy is really self-absorbed. Jesus, Adam, these people are paying for School. Education, not to hear some self-righteous prick talk about some important stuff, then waste a quarter of my expensive time to throw in a little personal 'flare'. Fucking spare me. He told me how "some stupid preppy girl" rolled her eyes or made some kind of 'bitch face'. And normally I hate those kinds of shallow people, too. In this instance though, I think I'm torn as to who's side I'd be on.

Anyway, the more pressing issue is that he's cheating on me. As trivial as the further evidence is, and this is going to sound incredibly superficial and silly, but for some reason I decided to add him as a buddy on Facebook. I waited a week for his stupid little confirmation, then find out, as soon as he added me little Miss. Brewster was already there. She even left him a note on his 'wall' (I hate that gimmick, it's a fucking list of notes) so they are chatting it up.

So what kind of insecure bitch freaks out if his boyfriend talks and gets a little silly with the baby-talk and maybe teeters on the boarder of being friends in a professional way. Me. I'm insecure, and this is really bothering me. Today, we went out to eat some crappy fast food, in hindsight Idk why, when we got back home we worked out. When I got done I told him how much I did, and he said "Thank you". WTF is that? Thank you?! No, fuck you. "Thank you for working on not being such a fat-ass?"

I almost started typing about how I take solace in knowing that once a girl sees him w/o his shirt on, she would probably leave (he used to weigh over 300lbs, lost 120, take a guess how that looks). Then I thought and I guess it makes me more scared if she stayed, because she's not the typical superficial ditz who would do that and would be a threat, because I like to think that I'm a tolerative person (JESUS HE FUCKING Gave me a black I and I forgave him). He'll dump me to be with down-to-earth-angel for 6 months, tops, and his back-and-forth "I never said that" "Of course I said that" bullshit will push her away and make him realize that he's the problem. Then again, I wouldn't care at that point, since I'd be gone! Ha!

This is really trivial but it got under my skin. He used to laugh about how when I looked at him wide-eyed he'd say I have big 'anime' eyes. Then like within an hour of him saying the "Thank You" after I exercised, he ended up over me on the floor, and I forgot what we were talking about hand he said "your little eyes" and I said "Little?" and he goes "Not everyone can have big anime eyes" Which just sounded really weird and completely stupid. Why the fuck would he say something like that? Then later I asked him why and he got really defensive in that overly offensive kinda way. My only guess is this Summer girl has some big eyes that make me look like a Korean. He usually compliments me all the time, but the past few days it's really dissipated--more evidence.

This could be a stretch but the picture of little miss Summer's profile is of her and a guy that looks strikingly similar to Adam. Maybe a more secure(oblivious) person would take this as comfort and say "Oh, phew, well that clears this whole cheating thing up, she's got a bf!" How many 6'4 men with overgrown facial hair, a receding hairline kept at a certain length, and have a gut the exact size of my boyfriend's. Another argument against the cheating would be "Why on earth would she put that as her default pic if it was secret?" My rebuttle would be, A: kinda makes sense why he didn't add me right away, until I asked him about it in person when he got home today. B: He failed to mention me to her, by accident, of course.

I faked a long and sweet "apology" so I could drink tonight, because he said he didn't want me to drink when I was angry (understandable) but I have nothing to apologize for (factual).